Sunday, 28 May 2017

My Experiments with 'Desi Nuskhas'

My 'Naaf' went and where and why nobody knows!! 
To tell you from the start, well, I have been unwell since past few days. I had fever, body ache and an unpleasant pain in the stomach (pain is never pleasant, you know!). And, I do not believe in allopathic medicines and only take them when it is absolutely vital as the last option. I think with the usual allopathic/modern medicines you can get better in probably two days and without medicines (or with natural/herbal remedies, no side effects) and rest one can get better in probably three to four days. I had been surviving on simple 'khichdi' the proverbial 'sick food' and a few fruits and resting mostly at my home.  
My dear friend decided to pay me a visit with all her earthy wisdom and 'nuskhas'. She is one of my closest, sweetest, and one of the nicest human species can offer. So, she asked me about my complaints and ailments and checked my tummy. Her diagnosis, my 'naaf' was misplaced. The 'naaf' is the muscle in the tummy which gets affected when you lift something heavy. It is quite common and usually a person recovers in a couple of days. At Old Delhi, we had a neighbourhood uncle who would just rub the webbing between the thumb and the finger and voila! 'Naaf' would be back to its place in no time. Sadly, he was no more now. 

On my own I had tried the ice cold water on tummy therapy which cools down the hot gases and relaxes the tummy. In a steel bowl you put cold water and then place it on the tummy, using a spoon keep moving the water. Quite popular in East India and good for tummy related problems (vomiting, acidity, etc.).   
My dear friend told me she was quite an expert in treating such misplaced muscle things and in the morning, she would treat the empty tummy. (Anything which can save me from popping the pills!). She rubbed a towel over me saying it helps with reducing fever, gave me a head-oil massage which relaxed me and put me off to sleep. I got up a few times with tummy ache in the night but was able to sleep soon after.   
Dear friend got up early, got ready and I trusted her completely, I mean what could go wrong? 
She told me to lie down straight and asked for mustard oil and an old dupatta. Dear friend started with massaging the oil and then what followed was just me shouting all the names of God, "Allah/ hey Bhagwan, oh my Gawwd"interspersed with also remembering my 'Ammi' in pain and agony (I may have also shouted 'sh**' and 'f**k'!). She told me that the knot had reached the top of my rib cage which I could feel too. And she would have to bring it down and it would hurt (and, oh boy, it did hurt!). 
Dear friend clenched, took whatever flab was there to wrestle with my poor tummy till I cried out for her to stop. She was in her "zone", her mission was to cure me and told me the "more it hurts the better", I was shouting so loud, afraid (and hoped!) neighbours would come to intervene (and stop this mayhem).
Finally, after a while she had mercy on me and told me that the muscles have come down to an extent and would come to their right place once I eat her aata-halwa. She went to make halwa (for the first time ever in her life which she told me later!). I was supposed to lie still with a dupatta tied very tight around the place where my 'naaf' was. In a while she came back with a plate full of halwa and told me to eat it All, as 'heavy food would send the naaf back to where it belongs'. I had a few spoons, just could not eat, could not even compliment just thanked her for her love. I was eating the halwa sitting in a position with the dupatta tied on my waist tightly and my knees bent and very little support for the back.
I was supposed to take ten steps, lie down back and then take a bath after two hours. 
Doorbell rang and my house-help came, another "very wise lady". 
She greeted my friend and then felt bad that I had not shared with her my condition and rebuked me for eating anything. She showed me a few exercises which she said would put the naaf back on its place. My dear friend told me to lie down again and showed her the knot. Now, the two women discussed and worked on my belly! The house-help forgot all about her exercises and started torturing me with few of her own methods, clenching and twisting my tummy, as she kept saying "bada bura dard hota hai, didi!"(obviously, I KNOW, women!). 
Finally, the two 'wise women' decided that next day, on empty tummy another woman expert would bring my naaf back!
Now, there is a knot between my tummy and rib cage, which is hurting constantly and I still do not know where-the-hell-my-naaf-went-and-why!          

(Thankfully, Dear friend does not read my blog and I would never share this post with her ever! I love her and am grateful for All her help and support, in case she accidentally ever reads this!)
Statutory Warning: Do Not Try This At Home. Ever. 

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