Tuesday, 18 August 2015

Shehar


Jab bhi mayoos hue
ek meherban ma ki baahon ki tarah 
sambhala tha iss shehar ne mujhe
gudaz daman se
apne sab raste phela diye the
Jahan chaho chale jao
Apni manzil chun lo...

Ab Ma boodhi ho gayi hai
zimmedari zyada lagti hai
iski nayi imaaraten bhi khandhar lagti hain
aur iske khandharo se
sab bad-roohen aur jinn 
Is cement ke jungle ko chhod gaye hain 
Jinno ko logo ke paigham aane band ho gaye the
Na jaane log sayane ho gaye the ya Jinn
Suna hai unse veerani bardasht na hui!

Shehar ki sadko pe daudte bhagte bashinde
ankhon me bechaini basaye phirte hain  
yeh shehar ke pollution ka dhuaan hai
ya qatal hue armano ka! 

khwaishon ke jungle me
hamari bhi qismat aisi nikli
ke in rasto pe
dil ki vahshat kam na hui
aur paon ke nishan
chunte chunte 
peechha karte rahe
tumhari yaadon ka
un sookhe patto ka
jinko kabhi hara 
daali par laga dekha tha
jinse ose ki boondein 
amrit ki tarah hum ne pee thi
ab daali se gir kar 
be-jaan hawa me udte phirte hain
kuch hamari hi tarah 
awara se be-misraf* se!

Dariya ko ufaan* par dekhne
hum kitni duur tak gaye the
ab woh dariya utar gaya hai..
uska paani gadla hai
aur suna hai iss baar bada sakht sookha pada hai!
woh phalwala jiske aam khatte the
aur tumne sab ke sab
apne hath se mujhe khila diye the
ab chappal seeta mila tha
phalo ka mausam chala gaya hai..

Omlette wala to 
abhi tak intezar me hai
ke kab tum usko milne phir jaoge

usko pata nahi tumhari aadat ka
tum yunhi logo ko aas de diya karte ho
ummeed baant diya karte ho
iss shehar ki tarah
wohi kam aqal tha jo aetbaar kar baitha! 
(be-misraf - purposeless)(*ufaan- river in spate)

Sunday, 16 August 2015

Rukhsat


kal shaam jab suraj dhala
badhte andheron me
ujalon ki baat ki thi humne
kai zamano ke baad
maazi ke guzre lamho ko yaad kiya tha
tere jaane ki sakht ghadi ko
kayi baar jiya tha humne!

aur mera sawal
jiska koi jawab bhi
nahi de paaye the tum
"kya yaad bhi nahi aati"
kaisa ehmaqana sawal tha!
aise sawal ka jawab hota bhi kya bhala
jab jawab hum dono hi jante the!

kya koi aise bhi rukhsat hota hai
na awaaz ke phaaye
na nami ankhon me
na qadmo ke koi nishan hi chhode
na 'khuda hafiz' hi keh paye Zindagi tumko!

Kaun aaya tha, kaise gaya
yahin the abhi, ab nahi ho
samajh na sake hum
bas kuch toote hue tukde mile the darwaze par
us rishte ke jisko
bade pyar aur mehnat se sanwara tha
ab sirf sannata hai
is ghar me bhi
aur mujh me bhi!







Saturday, 8 August 2015

Love's Labour Lost- 3


 It was in the third year of marriage, around Diwali time that they debated whether they should buy a TV finally or not. TV would mean less time for conversation and more consumption of mindless stuff. But, then they had been watching many series online, so decided to buy it anyways. The same year, her mother fell sick had a heart attack and passed away after brief illness. He made sure that he pulled her out of depression. He assured her, that he will take care of her, will love her so much that she would not even remember her loss. He had made a promise to her dying mother, and to everyone in the family that he will be like a brother to her brother, and will love and protect her, always!

He took her after a few days for a holiday to Corbett and Nainital, and pampered her. Same year they bought a second- hand car. His office became more and more busy. He was feeling very frustrated at work. It was long hours, for less money, and work with no creativity. He wanted to write, so started his own blog. Working for a IT company, his experience helped him. She had started working for a university department, but left that job after eight nine months. Then, she joined another university, where she had to visit only once or twice a week for an hour or so, depending on the work. His working hours, blog, career trajectory was making him frustrated. She felt that his job was doing more harm than good. And, then finally one day, he called to say he had resigned from his job. They had enough arrangement of money which sustained them for three-four months without asking anybody for help. She had university holidays and went rarely, and whenever she went, he drove her there and back. She loved having him around the entire time, she wanted him to relax, take his time and then if he felt like working again then join a nice place (only problem was she did not earn enough to give him that confidence!). They went grocery shopping like they used to, even planned a trip to his hometown, for the first time, by train. She did the longest train journey with him. His family always loved having him around. Even now in their hard times, they splurged (cost of air tickets saved, had to be adjusted, but wisely). They came back, he again started searching and found a new tech start-up where hours were not brutal and actually gave holidays, and weekends off. He felt relieved, as it also gave him enough time to focus on his writing/blogging. He started writing food reviews as well, apart from travelogues, online delivery website reviews, etc. They bought an AC for their drawing room, and started sleeping in the drawing room in summers.
 He kept himself busy, and she was content with work, academics and him. She joined another university which paid more for longer working hours, and also wrote some study materials for different universities. 

It was nearly in the fifth year of their marriage that they had a burglary at their house. Most of her mother's gold jewelry and gifts she had received from his family were stolen. She felt insecure living in that house, apart from feeling depressed that she lost the important pieces given to her by her mother. But, assured herself the real thing was their relationship, their love and marriage. His parents and elder sister came to stay with them to help them get over the incident, and she hired a maid for housework for the first time. A few months later they left that first house of theirs. She cried buckets, it felt like end of that beautiful romantic life of terrace living, open air bar be-cues. He was not the nostalgic types, he loved the new house. This house was very beautiful, big, spacious more comfortable with a beautiful view of the park in the front, only problem was the parking space for the car. Soon after moving to this house, they left for the longest holiday to Kashmir, and were lucky to just come a day before the rains started (Kashmir experienced one of the worst floods of its history that year). Later that year in their own car, they went to Mussoorie. 

 She started teaching in another university now. The classes were mostly in the morning three days a week, and would always rush in the mornings with his help. He always took care of her meals, if she slept early, he would wake her up and feed her, made breakfast in the mornings on weekends, or on days she had her early morning classes. She usually got home by afternoon, would always call him and give him the report of how the different classes went, interaction with colleagues and students. They shared everything, his office goings- on to her university routines. University had long holiday breaks. As he kept getting busy with his writing, he felt she was not doing much, and was becoming too laid back in life. She felt he was getting too much drawn in his world of social media, as he joined various groups. She retreated into a shell as he became more and more outgoing. He got invites to various high-end restaurants and loved the high life. She felt disconnected with that kind of life, and felt uncomfortable in that kind of environment, as she neither drank, nor danced nor ate much of meat! He started going out alone more and more and enjoying himself without her. They still had their together time, but interrupted, as he would just be checking his feed for updates and notifications of Facebook and Twitter. 

They still loved each other, but love in the times of social media, was a different thing altogether! In the new house, an extra room was reserved for guests. He had told her, he wanted all her attention always, he could ignore her, but never wanted her attention to go waver ever. Even guests coming over made him jealous. He wanted to see her when he woke up, have breakfast together, she should say his safety prayer with a bye-kiss when he left for work. During day, chat or message or call him. When he came back from office to make green tea or sharbat (depending on weather) with snacks and watch TV, while she pressed his forehead or gave him a head massage, and later they would cook the dinner together or sometimes cooked by turns, depending on the mood or on how tired the other person was. Home was a happy, content, peaceful place with all the comforts one could imagine or want in a house. He thought it was the best year for both of them. They were comfortable finally, his blog was also doing well, they traveled a lot that year.She felt it was the previous year to that.   

To be continued...



Monday, 3 August 2015

Hum Theek Hain!!


Aajkal bada mushkil ho gaya hai
Is aam se sawal ka jawab dena
ke "hum kaise hain?"
Agar kaha ke hum theek hain, to itni jaldi?
Aur agar kaha, abhi tak theek nahi,
to itni der kyun??

Agar chalte chalte yun lage
Ke achanak paon be-his ho gaye hain
Chala to rahe hain jism ko par mehsoos nahi hote
sannata sa rehta hai
zehen ke andar aur bahar bhi
ankhen chhalakne ko betab rehti hain
Dil ki jagah lagta hai ek aabla hai dard ka
Barf ka mausam hai
Jo har jazbe me utar aaya hai
Deemak ki tarah mohabbat
andar se khokhla kar gayi aur
ilm bhi na hua
ke jism ko kab ghun lag gaya
aur imarat kab dheh gayi

Ankhen ab raah takte takte patthar ho jayen
To bhi labo se na koi
awaz ayegi
Aur na hi koi shikwa niklega
Woh meri mohabbat thi
Yeh meri shikast hai;

baqi hum bafazle Khuda
bilkul theek thaak hain!

Friday, 31 July 2015

Love's Labour Lost- 2


Every morning when he started for office she would wave bye to him with a prayer for safety, and whenever he reached office he informed with a message. Throughout the office time before lunch, after lunch, before starting from office, before going to university or going out to market/ mother's house/ friend, she would also tell him. Always, before starting and after reaching. This was a ritual they followed and if any one of them skipped the other would rebuke the other on missing or forgetting to do so. Even when they were not physically together, through text and phone calls always remained with each other. Phones were just an extension of their hearts/ souls reaching out to each other.

Both had decorated their home nicely by now. It was a comfortable home with not so many appliances but a lively, open, happy place. With her butter fingers she often broke stuff and she always blamed it on "buri nazar"(evil eye) as when people visited their home, glass utensils broke (although, sometimes people did not visit them, and even then things broke, like glass, cups, clock. lamp shade, bulb)!

Weekends were mostly reserved for loitering. They used to take bike rides in the evening, visited friends, or called over friends or visited nearby markets. They did not like going to the malls that much!

The first Ramzan he was very angry when he saw her "torturing" herself, but supported her with not eating food till late afternoon, even tried to fast like her twice. He supported by making iftar for her, pakoras, fruit chaat, juices, chocolates, made sure the time that she ate, she ate well. For Eid, she bought gifts, clothes, mithai for her family, they gave them return gifts and Eidi. Dussehra or Durga Pooja often were spent visiting CR Park Pandals late at night. On their first Diwali the entire house, terrace, balcony was lit up with the diyas. He loved bursting crackers. They often joked that they were spending double money than normal people on festivals!

They had to visit his hometown now to meet his family, had saved enough by now to take the flight, had bought gifts and planned to organize a marriage feast for all his side of the relatives. He had assured her, but her family was scared. Her mother gave some mithai and gifts for her in-laws. They did their own shopping for all the uncles, aunts, grandfather, sisters, bro-in laws, niece, nephew, parents from different markets.

It was a completely different culture (region/religion/language/rituals) for her. So many people she had never seen before in her life were judging her for her looks (just as he was judged by her family at the time of their marriage, but there were less people)! Everybody was nice to her, made her feel comfortable, explained her the nuances of their culture, food, etc. Her father in law who had threatened to leave the house was shy and most loving, along with the eldest sister. Ma, and younger sister were very sweet and friendly too. It was difficult to adjust at first due to differences, but the love and encouragement from everyone made it possible to feel like 'one big happy family'. The entire family visited Puri, had fun at the beach, visited temple. Both of them did a bike trip from Puri via Konark back to Bhubaneswar and fell sick after coming back! He called his local friends for a feast before they left his hometown. They came back with his parents so as a family they could adjust to each other. Ma had been sick and needed consultation from Delhi's doctors. She had the experience of hospitals, as she had taken care of her father through his nine years of Alzheimer's. For Ma Papa's age, their house was not very comfortable (third floor/high stairs), no maid, no TV for timepass, and not even a mandir! Papa disliked Delhi because of the language barrier, and the big city feel. His Delhi uncle helped out with the hospitals' appointments, etc. Ma, Papa stayed for fifteen days, her family also came to visit them. The meeting that usually happens between families before wedding, happened after the wedding for them. Both the families had faced social wrath from relatives' for marrying outside their respective religion. But, they reconciled as they saw them happy.

 Post marriage on her first birthday, he bought her a pair of beautiful emerald green ear rings, and she gave him a wrist watch. They could only afford a honeymoon trip after almost a year of marriage.
 His mother's health was becoming a concern, and with the number of holidays he had taken in the entire first year post marriage, he could not go himself. So, he decided to send her for ten days. She agreed to visit in-laws, but was apprehensive without him how would the family treat her now. Their cuisine was different from North Indian, and she did not know much of Eastern food. His family was pure vegetarian, she preferred vegetarian but always had had meat cooked with vegetables in her home. For the first time they had to stay away post-marriage for such a long time! The sisters took her out, Papa made sure all her favorite things were there in the kitchen. Ma helped in the cooking, gave instructions, she just wanted someone to be around. There were initial hiccups, some ego issues but largely she and the family had adjusted to each other's differences by now. He was always on the phone all the time, informing her of all the days' details of what he did/ he cooked/he ate, etc etc.

 Their love and understanding was something that friends' gave examples of. Slowly, they added things to their bare house. Internet released them from buying dvds and he downloaded movies now. They ate out at least twice every month at middle range restaurants, and every weekend street food was a surety, if they were not going out or no friends were coming to visit them. On weekdays, he would come back by 8-9pm, eat snacks and then they had dinner late by 11.30 to 12 am and sometimes even later than that. It was like an everyday fun party. Despite their differences, they were in love and happy, and nothing else mattered!

To be continued.....

Monday, 27 July 2015

Love's Labor Lost?


“I am yours.
Don't give myself back to me.” Rumi
We all have our Love stories, some end in a fairy tale happily ever-after and some end in both going separate ways with love still in their hearts, but part due to circumstances. This is one love story of a girl and a boy from different regions of India (Delhi and Orissa), different religions (Muslim and Hindu Atheist), different ages, different professions (academics and advertising/writing) and different temperaments!
They fell in love and nothing mattered! Both lived in Delhi. He had done his Master's and was working now in Delhi. She was born and brought up in Delhi, and was pursuing higher studies. They had met through a friend who got injured when fire broke out at her place. She had jumped with her laptop from her second floor flat. They both had gone there to take care of her. They liked each other and it became a domestic scene with both of them cooking, cleaning, buying vegetables together for the house 'to take care of her'. The walks in the nearby park after cooking dinner, cleaning dishes and tucking her in became long. Later these walks shifted to Old Delhi, as his office was within walking distance of her home. She was from a conservative Muslim family of Old Delhi. Her father had recently passed away, and her mother and brother were the other members in her family. He came from a conservative Hindu family, youngest son with two married sisters. The families loved their son and daughter immensely, when the news traveled to them the reactions were nothing less than catastrophic. Her family feared the entire mohalla would gossip, his family thought the son would lose his religion or may get killed by 'violent Muslims', and the social boycott. Her mother gave her threats, brother said he would financially remove her from family property. His father said he will leave the house and will not eat food cooked from a Muslim's hand.
As tensions increased from the families side, they decided on a date when he would get his salary and would have saved enough to rent a place. She had some of her PhD scholarship money. Her family wanted a nikah for which he would have to change his name. Her family wanted him to become a 'good Muslim' to marry their daughter. She promised them she would try the Sufi way. He started staying with a friend to save some money. They started searching different localities. He left advertising and started working in digital media. Every weekend in hot sun on his bike they would start in search to find "home". They had to save money so would eat only at his friend's place. Friend and his family would tease both with songs like "..do deewane shehar me raat me aur dopahar me ashiyana dhoondte hain..", both were scared as after weeks they were not able to either finalize a locality or any place. Some rents were too high or at some places the houses were not good. Her family was putting pressure on her being away with him for such long hours before marriage, he should also know  some basics of Islam if he was marrying a Muslim girl.
The date for the wedding was getting near, they were getting restless. Families were skeptical about both of them being financially secure or would they be able to pull it off with long list of differences between them.They finalized a house but on hearing about their religious identities landlord backed out and refused. It was just a week left to go for marriage and they had not found any place! They were scared and tense with ever increasing pressure of the families' trying to break them apart. Finally, her prayers were answered (he never prayed!) and they fond a beautiful home. A barsaati with a bedroom, big drawing room, big windows in all the rooms, airy, open terrace and beautiful. Three days before the marriage both were busy scrubbing the floor, washing the walls and making it their 'home'. They hardly had any stuff to start with, but bought fridge as their first appliance. Her family gave some basic stuff like a gas stove, oven, utensils, bedsheets, etc. to start with, not happily but for her to manage with. She was sure of his capability and her love that they would acquire all the amenities with time. 
Her mother even though was angry, got ubtan for her so her daughter can look beautiful as a bride in her gharara, his sherwani was stiched by an expert tailor from Aligarh. It was a small ceremony, with just a few close friends and the barat from the inner streets left in cycle rickshaws. There were two cars, one of his friend and one of his boss. It was a sultry July evening. Everybody was sweating but everybody, whosoever got the invitation came to bless and wish the newly weds well. Friends welcomed them and decorated the bed sheet (no bed but a huge cotton mattress) with flowers. House had a bad ant problem and red ants were all over the sheet, they had to remove everything from bedroom. 
 By the time everybody left they were exhausted, just made space in the drawing room, opened the few gifts from few guests, and slept peacefully in each other's embrace. She was happy she would not have to answer anybody's queries about him anymore, he was just content to have her beside him. They had got the social sanction to live together now. The next day, house had to be cleaned post-dawat, chairs returned, nobody visited the newly weds, and the first trip they made was to the neighborhood baniya to buy household stuff. Her family had invited them for dinner next day of the wedding. Nobody had come from his family, they were informed on phone. Another marriage was scheduled to be held in Bhubaneswar. There was no TV/ internet just an old radio and some books. They talked for days and nights and still had more things to talk about.  For now, they were happy just to be together, and families seemed to have reconciled.  Her family made a total vegetarian menu on Bakra Eid/Eid ul Azha to suit the taste of their new son in law.He joined office after three days, as they needed money and could not afford more holidays, had long working hours. She did housework, laundry herself. His father , most vocal opponent of the marriage but soft hearted adorable man, thought it was inhuman for the daughter-in-law to wash clothes by hand and asked his son to buy a washing machine on Diwali. It was the second big expenditure that they made on an appliance. 
Often in the evenings they walked on terrace, on weekends went on bike rides or just walked miles. They got pirated dvds and watched movies on the  laptop with small speakers, each speaker on both their ears, as sound was very low and quality bad. They got internet connection next, so he could download movies himself! There was an old cooler that they had, and power cuts were a problem then. Sometimes they slept in the balcony with wet dupattas, and sometimes on the open terrace. 
 The second floor neighbours were a South Indian couple with no kids. The woman was a gentle, kind woman and an amazing cook, who would often get them piping hot idlis, dosas, appams in the morning for break fast. She would get medicine and cook her own versions of soup if she ever fell sick. 
On the first floor lived a lonely Aunty who was greedy for people's company and used to become generous and large hearted whenever anybody visited her.  
The top floor house was hot in summers, cold in winters and leaked in rains! But, they hosted friends, did open air parties and loved their little piece of heaven!
It was almost after a year of marriage that they saved enough to go for a trip together to Mcleodganj. She had a problem with altitude and vomited the entire way, he was by her side always comforting her, giving her water/ lemon/ chewing gum. They found a budget hotel and rested there. It was his birthday next day at Mcleodganj and she gifted him a wrist watch.   
To be continued......  

Thursday, 16 July 2015

Bheegi Palken


Udaas palko pe nami si rehti hai
Har she'h me teri kami si rehti hai

dil ne kuch aisi chot khayi hai 
har ek shakhs se ab dushmani si rehti hai

teri daleelo' ko sun to lete hain
khamosh dil ko magar be'kali si rehti hai

suna hai usko mil gayi khushiyan
hamare labon par aah e bebasi si rehti hai  

Ishq me dhoka iss tarah se khaya hai 
hum sochte the mohabbat sada qeemti si rehti hai

tere saath ki bewafaiyon ke baad
har aas se na-ummeedi si rehti hai

mohabbat ki deemak lag gayi hai zaat ko 
jaane kaise jism ki imarat khadi si rehti hai

rahbar ne raste hi gum kar diye
har ek gaam pe be-nishani si rehti hai

phir wahin laut kar aaye hain jahan tumko khoya tha
munderon pe ab bhi dhoop khili si rehti hai

hum to dil haar chuke lut bhi chuke
arzuon ki bazar e ishq me boli lagi si rehti hai

aane ka waada karke maa'zirat to kar li tumne
nazaro ki darwaze par bas tiktiki bandhi si rehti hai  

tumhari meherbaniyan tumhare sitam tumhare karam  
dil ko har lamha ab dhadka sa pareshani si rehti hai   

Yuchi chalte chalte

  यूँही चलते चलते  गुमान हुआ  कोई चेहरा ऐसा  नुमाँ हुआ   मुड़ मुड़ कर उसको   राह में देखा किये  देख कर फिर  सोचा किये   ये तो वही है   लगा के ...