Syntax I Never Had

Arranging and re arranging
Through forms and structures
I struggle
And give up.
I could never live up to the rules
Of the world
Or the language
With a hint of pride
In my failure
I look at you for approval
And then
I give up.
I never had
Your desired syntax ...
And Probably Never will.
I gave up long back
But check sometimes
If I could, still ...
And then
I give up.
Again.