Marriages are a personal (for the people getting married) as
well as a social occasion (for all the others invited/related to the people
getting married). I have been a part of both, as most of us have been, I
believe. .But, it still baffles me to understand why people dance, go over the
top with celebrations on other people's marriages! After all, it is a social
sanction for two people to start a family for and by themselves! From Hindi
Bollywood movies, to TV serials to road jams (due to people dancing on the
road), bursting fire crackers, almost everything around us tells us that
marriages are important and provide a huge occasion for celebration in Indian
sub-continent along with Diwali, Eid etc. Markets around the marriage season
are as full and jam packed as they are during Diwali/ Eid.
Let us look at the way marriages are solemnised in different
religions. In Hinduism, marriages are a bond of births and re-births (even
stronger than the bond with parents, as it cuts across different lifetimes),
with seven pheras it becomes a relationship extending upto seven janams or
births. One cannot escape one's partner even after death! My South Indian, Tamil
neighbor told me marriage rituals extend up to many days amongst Tamil
Brahmins. In some customs rituals go on for a night, the shortest ritual is
still more than an hour long in Arya Samaji weddings. All these rituals are performed
to make marriage strong, breaking the marriage off is an unthinkable sin!
In Christianity the vows promise marriage to be the
relationship of a lifetime, or till death of atleast one partner that automatically
dissolves the union (until death do us part!). In both these religions until
the early/ mid part of the last century divorce was very rare. Even if
marriages went bad, people had no choice to opt out since there was no concept
of divorce, as it was considered socially unacceptable. In the present times,
divorces in society have become acceptable with the growing numbers of broken
marriages. Reasons could be many or one, but the society has matured to let the
people involved in the marriage to settle their lives and does not interfere (although
still pokes around for gossip!)
In Islam, marriages are a civil contract with two witnesses. The
willing partners have to give their consent (qubool hai!) loud and clear along
with their signatures on the contract (nikahnama), which also mentions amount
of bride price to be paid. There have been instances of marriages happening on phone on conference call with bride, groom and the priest on each line with speaker phones in Pakistan, Gulf, Hyderabad etc. Since, physical presence of the two individuals not necessary/ compulsory, long distance marriages were possible. Papers would be sent through post and consent taken verbally through phone!
Similarly, if the contract does not work out partners can opt out, again in the presence of witnesses with saying divorce loud and clear (talaq). Some people have even tried to give divorce on phone, although there have been issues with the legality of it. Both marriage and divorce have pre-conditions like, both partners should be in their senses (not drunk or angry) while performing the said acts. Although the idea and the thought behind Islamic marriages was revolutionary for its time. For the first time a girl was given the right to give her consent for the marriage. Her say was important and she deserved compensation in the form of bride price for the changes that it brought in her life (change of household, etc). While, divorce could be given by man by just uttering the word thrice, woman could also ask for it (khula) if marriage was not working for her and whoever opts out has to give/ give up bride price along with other financial complications (dowry/ marriage gifts etc). But, women’s position became vulnerable to husband’s mood swings, roving eye, etc. The ease of divorce also meant its abuse, which led many Islamic countries to make stringent laws for the protection of women. In India, divorce amongst Muslims became a national debate during 1980s due to the Shah Bano case. There was an argument to implement a Uniform Civil Code to make laws equal for everyone irrespective of religion for marriage and divorce. But, Muslims claimed it was an attack on their identity and opposed it. While, BJP and Sangh Parivar saw it as a stick they could beat up Muslims with, so they keep on insisting upon it. The issue became political hot plate with nobody willing to touch it for the fear of stroking passions and leading to disturbances.
Similarly, if the contract does not work out partners can opt out, again in the presence of witnesses with saying divorce loud and clear (talaq). Some people have even tried to give divorce on phone, although there have been issues with the legality of it. Both marriage and divorce have pre-conditions like, both partners should be in their senses (not drunk or angry) while performing the said acts. Although the idea and the thought behind Islamic marriages was revolutionary for its time. For the first time a girl was given the right to give her consent for the marriage. Her say was important and she deserved compensation in the form of bride price for the changes that it brought in her life (change of household, etc). While, divorce could be given by man by just uttering the word thrice, woman could also ask for it (khula) if marriage was not working for her and whoever opts out has to give/ give up bride price along with other financial complications (dowry/ marriage gifts etc). But, women’s position became vulnerable to husband’s mood swings, roving eye, etc. The ease of divorce also meant its abuse, which led many Islamic countries to make stringent laws for the protection of women. In India, divorce amongst Muslims became a national debate during 1980s due to the Shah Bano case. There was an argument to implement a Uniform Civil Code to make laws equal for everyone irrespective of religion for marriage and divorce. But, Muslims claimed it was an attack on their identity and opposed it. While, BJP and Sangh Parivar saw it as a stick they could beat up Muslims with, so they keep on insisting upon it. The issue became political hot plate with nobody willing to touch it for the fear of stroking passions and leading to disturbances.
My Sikh colleague
told me about marriages in Sikhism. There was no mention of marriage rituals in
Adi Granth Sahib (Holy book of the Sikhs), but one of the later Gurus wrote a
poem on marriage. Since, Sikhism also had to fight for its identity, they
wanted their marriage rituals to be separate from Hindus. Marriage involves 4 pheras or rounds around the Granth Sahib
while priest sings the Doha or poem written by the Guru on marriage.
Tribal marriages have as many varied rituals as there can be varied tribes, each having its set of rituals to be performed, depending on the system whether it is matriarchal or patriarchal. In some areas of Bihar there are marriages where groom is kidnapped by the brides' family.
Due to the problem of family infanticide the ratio of girls and boys has become so much in favor of boys there are no girls' left for men to marry in some areas of Haryana and Punjab. They are taking brides from north- east and South India, where sex ratio is not as bad. In some families, many brothers(can be two-five depending on family) marry just one woman, leading to interesting consequences, cultures being different of each region of India.
Due to the problem of family infanticide the ratio of girls and boys has become so much in favor of boys there are no girls' left for men to marry in some areas of Haryana and Punjab. They are taking brides from north- east and South India, where sex ratio is not as bad. In some families, many brothers(can be two-five depending on family) marry just one woman, leading to interesting consequences, cultures being different of each region of India.
Marriages are social events in India with celebrations often paralleling festivals. They can also be seen as socio-cultural expressions of identities of different social groups.
